The koa bowl carried before the carved kiʻi at Puʻuhonua o Hōnaunau

What it actually is

Hoʻoponopono

To set right. The complete Hawaiian protocol for restoring relationship.

First, the thing nobody says

The four sentences are not hoʻoponopono.

Morrnah Nālamakū Simeona was recognised by the State of Hawaiʻi as a Living Treasure in 1983. She died in 1992. The four-line mantra now sold as hoʻoponopono was assembled and popularised after her death by a man who had studied with her.

It is a beautiful prayer. It is not the practice, and it is not what she taught.

Carved koa bowls held in both hands

What was actually practised

A family sat down.

As recorded by Mary Kawena Pukui in Nānā i ke Kumu, hoʻoponopono was a family process, led by a senior member of the family or, where needed, by a kahuna from outside it.

It opens with pule — prayer. Then the pilikia, the trouble, is stated plainly. Feeling is kept from running the room through hoʻomalu, periods of imposed silence, and by every word passing through the leader rather than across the circle.

When everything has been aired, there is mihi — sincere confession, and the asking of forgiveness. Then kala — the release, the untying. And a closing pule.

Nobody chants at a wall. It is done with the people you are actually in trouble with, present or held in mind, under someone who knows how to hold it.

Three women seated quietly above a tide pool on the lava

The teaching underneath

You are never harmed by the situation. You are harmed by the stone you put in your own bowl about it.

Kahu Kāhealani

The teaching underneath it

The Sacred Bowl of Light.

Every person is born with a bowl of perfect light. Each thought of separation — resentment, envy, fault-finding — drops a stone into it. Enough stones and the light cannot get out; you become a stone yourself, and a stone cannot grow.

But at any moment you may turn the bowl over. Huli kou ipu. The stones fall out. The light was never gone — it was only underneath.

Learn the whole of it.

Twelve protocols over twelve weeks, live with a kahu who was taught this at home, in Hawaiian, before she could read.